1. |
Still Water I
06:56
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2. |
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how small can I be?
how weak can I be?
how quiet, how silent, can I be?
can I, can I be?
how needy can I be?
how little can I see?
‘cause I’m at war with me
I’m at war with me
why are we so afraid?
why are we so ashamed?
why are we not what we want?
why are we so depraved?
carry, carry, carry
carry me, carry me, carry
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3. |
Wilt
06:17
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my shrink sent me to the cemetary on assignment
she said gently, time to stop living in confinement
venlafaxine only did the numbing, it was violent
all through my teens, I could feel the ripping, but I was silent
shaky hands
lazy feet
clumsy limbs
bone and meat
mortality binds my mind endlessly, death abundant
my heart, it beats like a timid squirmy thing, and I’m scared to feel it
the world its grief, flowing never ending
the place can seem so void of living
did anybody decide it was okay to be born?
if you see God
would you tell him
that I am afraid to wilt
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4. |
Then Holes
06:02
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you look so cold, you look so cold
abandoned lobby, we enter in now
you look so cold, you look so cold
abandoned lobby
you look so cold
did you even feel it, or did you try
to see the light
that I, that I,
that I, that I do
the place has burned down
the wick is up
your face is buried now
the wind breathed out
you look so cold, you look so cold
a vacated body, space we do not know
I loved you and it hurt to see you go
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5. |
Hypnagogia
03:15
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I am driving in the quiet
on a highway stained with blood
oh I saw an angel layin
carcass, deer trampled and stunned
headin back from north Kentucky
on the frozen Brent Spence Bridge
passed up north to touch down Jesus
cursing every trailer hitch
I am speeding through the twilight
all my seeing has gone blind
car so weary drives behind me
oh God, what’d I do this time?
steady straight, it lasts forever
many times I fall asleep
tell myself I might just die here
flashing lights startles in heaps
I awake within a pasture
legions of wild balloons
lightheaded, sudden confusion
I’ve been shot up by them too
in my trance I saw a vision
a man with disquieting eyes
flashed intrusive like a viper
on the ceiling, on the sky
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6. |
Into What
05:59
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(in no particular order)
falling into what
follow
to
I’m on a boat
I don’t know where
to go now
heaven
no
where are we
now
I have known
crying
hurry hurry
I’m crying out
for what
I don’t know
where to go now
through the dark
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7. |
222
03:10
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you put me as your emergency contact
I thought we had a deal
we knew where to put that piano
and I knew it was real
and I am far too familiar
with this sort of questioning
it’s like the whole thing is breaking
for just one tiny thing
you’re not only my lover
but also my best friend
yet now I lie here and wonder
from where do I suspend?
but I am not the victim
as I have always thought
for the light that burns inside you
can not be based on ought
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8. |
Still Water II
02:03
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still water
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9. |
You, Softly
09:40
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two years
two hands
one blesses
one mends
I’m so tired of waiting
for the right time
to say it
but I know I
need to say it
two years
separate
yet don’t seem to exist at all
not of longing
but of light
but maybe there at the same time
my soul rose to meet you
when you stare
in my eyes
for minutes
at a time
and running
up the stairs
to kiss goodbye
not one but
four times
releasing expectations
all sense of time
all sense of lying
I don’t know how to say it
but I want to be with you
if you want to
November, you were a hope
a deep yellow mind
with the best questions
a numinous connection
a bright light came to visit me
a great release
you were a sunlit absense in my life
for a long time
and I’m sorry for shutting out your kindness
and I’m sorry for the silence
then, I was a siren
part of me lingers
in our busy hands
that transcended
the words we said
through the clouds
an opening
I didn’t see coming
unfurling
a swirling
and something
growing
over and over
again
you, softly
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10. |
Parallel Place
03:59
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aftertaste, aftertaste
see you in my mind, aftertaste
time is good you’ll find, aftertaste
this a parallel place
the spiral of time, a line on the face
or was it just a way to get to first base?
I splayed out my heart, a letter erased
why has it always felt like a chase?
or a beautiful field with infinite space?
I tried so hard to give you grace
but how painful it is to be in a parallel place
a parallel place
erase me, erase me, erase me
wrap me up in waves of longing
(I know you are not with me, I know you’re just me)
you’re so lovely, scorch right through me
(I know you’re not here, I know you’re just me)
open, open, clasp, engulfing
(I know you’re not here, I know you’re just me)
pierced surrender, weight upon me
(I know you’re not here)
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11. |
Balm
05:58
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another’s love cuts so deep
to the vein where soul bleeds
and I couldn’t see how, how, how, how my own
when will I have the breath to be abundantly?
not hide my face from the sun or whatever tends to fall
the light’s inside, take back your words, speak
testify, though the sound meek
and I don’t know why there’s lead on my lips
come alive from the inside
gaping arms, how they unnerve me
tender spot sits unveiled, see?
past safety first
am I hardened to this?
now’s not the time for deer in the headlights
for throwing my hands up in the air, fading
I wanna tell my friends I love them
and not be tangled up in webs of my own making
webs of my own making
struggling to find anything but fear in another’s eyes
seeing balm
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12. |
Emptiness, Rejoice
05:21
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I am prisoned
I am free
when I stare
upon trees
constant terrors
wash over me
I have begged
let me be
slips out of my hands
we get lonely
no matter what we do
reach upwards
from this point of view
heed the lowly
all of you
to the ground
I will be there too
emptiness, rejoice
lift your shallow, lifeless voice
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Bailey Miller Cincinnati, Ohio
swelling strings, synthesized stirrings, subterranean spirals, and screeching stillness
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